Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
