Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
