I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
