My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
