Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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