I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
