The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
