Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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