Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
