If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
birth control should be required to get into college
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
