went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As shirtless as possible
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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