He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
