That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
