Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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