What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
