I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
