he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
