you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
