You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
