so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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