She is in my trunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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