i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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