Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
