I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
