just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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