I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
