hotel room ftw
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
