he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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