You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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