I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
