I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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