I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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