i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
