I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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