And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize