While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
