The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
