...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
