halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
