Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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