Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I could fuck to npr.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
