dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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