Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
