im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
