put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Soap is not a condiment
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
