I haven't been this sober since birth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
