She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
