Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
