I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
