i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
