I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
