Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
