Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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