there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
