I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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