Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
