found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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