Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
