I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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