in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
