Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
