This is not my ceiling
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
