fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
