cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
