You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
