I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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