I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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