if i can run in heels then i can drive
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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