We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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