he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
